Last Little Bit

Well it's the end of the semester and we've actually reached that point! I'm going on to get married and who knows what the rest of you are planning on doing, but I wish you all the best of luck doing it! While I was doing my Top 10 assignment and was remembering bits and pieces of what we've learned my gratitude for the things we were taught in this class grew and I realized that there truly are some gems that I know will help me throughout my family life. Yay!

Remarried Families

The discussions that we've had in class, as always, have made me a little nervous. I think that that is simply because they make me more aware, but I also have a few more tools under my belt. 1) I can be better about understanding the plights and difficulties that remarried families are having 2) I have ways to help others or, heaven forbid, myself to adjust to those changes successfully and 3) If I would have thought 80 times before getting a divorce before, I'll think 81 times now. I never considered it but now I'll consider it even less now, unless of course it's absolutely necessary.

Patience in Parenting

Brother Williams's story today about some of his parenting experiences really made me think a lot about how I'm going to parent. I've had quite a bit of practice with my niece and nephew as well as with my younger siblings, and I have to say for myself that I have gotten much more patient. However, I know that I have a lot of work to do when it comes to being prepared for parenting. What gave me a lot of peace, however, was when he was talking about the promptings and voices he heard in intense and important situations. I know that these children that I'll have are first and foremost Heavenly Father's children and He will give me everything I need to raise them successfully.

Fatherhood

I'll admit that I just barely completed my fatherhood paper for Family Relations class. But I have to say how grateful that I am for the opportunity that I had to research that and think about it in relation to my future family. Like I said in my paper, I've always been afraid of how my future husband will father and whether he'll have a positive or negative effect on our children, but now I realize that I have a lot more power than I knew regarding how husband fathers. Yes!

Council with Your Counsels

When we read that talk by Elder Ballard I really love a lot of the things he talked about. I love them so much, in fact, that I talked to my fiance about a couple of the points. I think it'll be such a precious ability in our relationship to be able to communicate and "discuss, discuss, discuss" things; maintaining "profound respect" and, in the end, being 100% together on the end result. The best part, I thought, was when the speaker in the sound bite talked about how the Spirit will tell you when something the right decision. It's important and possible for us to remain so open because we're not discussing the matter in order to find out who will win, but to find out the truth.

Stressors

When we discussed stressors, I got an overwhelming sense of fear (not a big surprise since that happens a lot, but this one was particularly potent). I began to imagine all of the things that my future family might possibly have to go through. Death? Divorce? Child rebellion? Poverty? I ruminated on that for the next couple of days, increasing my anxiety even more. But the more I thought about it, the more I also thought about the coping mechanisms and the strategies. I especially liked reading about the things that I could do, as a future mother and wife. So, come what may, I have the Lord on my side and now I also have these coping mechanisms.

God Hath Not Given Us the Spirit of Fear

Earlier this week we talked about affairs and how to prevent them. Honestly it's always made it very difficult for me to fully be comfortable with marriage. When I was reading it, I got even more afraid. So I talked with my fiance about it and we came up with some rules/precautions of how to avoid getting anywhere near situations that would tempt either of us, or anyone else for that matter, to be unfaithful in any way. Every time I discuss anything with him I fall in love with him all over again because I know that he's telling me the truth. It shows his integrity to me and I can't figure out how I got so lucky. However, like I said earlier, we both know that when we allow ourselves to be in certain situations enough then, after a while, our character doesn't matter. The Lord advises us to stay out of those situations, therefore, we will. I fear infidelity so much less now that I've discussed this with him. Marriage truly is a leap of faith.

More Than I Planned

This past week in Family Relations we talked about transitions into marriage as well as into life with children. I just became engaged last weekend (YAY!) and, as you can see, I am ecstatic! I have to say, however, that the class discussions scared me a little bit. It's difficult for me to remain sure of myself when several theories are second-guessing my choices. I realized, though, that those are just theories, as well as the fact that nobody is perfect. The man I have chosen has so so many wonderful qualities and that is why I have fallen in love with him and continue to do so daily. I believe that a lot of the things said in the textbooks and by researchers are very much suggestions; I'm not going to have an unhappy marriage if I don't follow every single viewpoint. But I will if I am aware, selfless, and try my hardest to do everything in my power to lead this marriage towards eternal progression.

A Geno Wha?

I didn't know and, quite frankly, I didn't care about what a genogram was before this assignment. I always left the family history to my grandparents and thought, "Well, until they are gone or no longer capable of doing it, I might as well leave it to them! After all, they've got all of the time in the world." But as I've been completing this assignment, I've been calling family. I have found out some very interesting things about my family. It really gives me something to think about. In fact, it got me thinking so much that I went so far as to ask my grandmas, as far as they had seen in their own marriages and in that of their children's, what makes a successful marriage successful and vice versa? Both of them said "communication", imagine that. It's sad and ironic how everybody says that but so many marriages fail because of a lack of communication. This project has renewed my determination to be the best wife I can be, be honest and open with my husband, and to treat him the way a loving and loved husband should be.

We're Only a Child Once

During this past week we've talked about different social classes and the functions of family withing those classes. For one of the assignments, we were required to watch a couple of movies. One of these movies was about a woman named Tammy. Tammy was extremely near the bottom of the social food chain (so to speak) if not at the very bottom, she had no car so she walked the ten miles to Burger King where she worked, and that was her only income. She wasn't able to be home with her children, and when she was home she was performing the basic responsibilities because that was all she had time for.
It touched my heart when she was talking about how she still dreamed of being a teacher. This woman didn't have the best grammar, nor did she have the resources to get the schooling for a teaching license. But I admire so much her ability to continue dreaming regardless of her meager circumstances. And it was so sad that her sons not only didn't respect her or thank her for the things she sacrifices for them, but they their future prospects for education and a middle-class lifestyle because of their limited opportunities. So, although he was disrespectful, rude, and judgmental, I also admire her older son's ambition in his goals to graduate from college. I can't imagine how that would be! It's things like this that remind me how incredibly blessed I am and I'm so so grateful.

Things Are Just Things

This week in class we were talking about the different reactions of parents when kids spilled or broke things. I'm not proud of this but I have to admit that I used to be the type of person who, when my younger siblings would make a mess, would yell and get angry. I always always ALWAYS felt terrible afterwards and then would do it again the next time my siblings misbehaved. I hate to think that I used to do that but what's the good in regretting? One day, however, when I was sitting in Sacrament Meeting, my bishop was talking about his grandchildren. While reflecting back on a time when they broke something in his house that was very valuable he said, "When you have grandchildren, you realize that things are just things." I realized just then the truth of his words and that happiness for everyone resulted only when I held my temper and made the best out of the situation. I'm proud to say now that I can't remember the last time I yelled at one of my siblings and our relationships have gotten so much stronger than they were before. I'm so grateful for that! It was an epiphany and I felt like the Lord was talking right to me and referring to my short temper with His children. I'm especially grateful to have learned this now because I'll have mastered it just a little more by the time they come around.

Stats Shmats

My inspiration for this post is a product of my thoughts today in class. We were talking about all of these myths and trends and statistics, which are all well and good. I truly believe that these things help us to study people and families and to make something we have even better than it already is. 

But I was thinking, "Hmm. I wonder how likely a child, whose parents got divorced when the child was older, is to get a divorce? It would be interesting to find some statistics for that." It wasn't too much later that an unsettling feeling in my stomach started the usual stream of worries in my head: "What if he's more apt to want a divorce later in life?" and "Is it safe to hope that we'll have a solid relationship regardless?", and so on. 

And then this little voice (the Spirit, I'm sure) asked, "Does it matter?". That really got me thinking on a different path. So, so many things are "mind-over-matter" and too often we allow predetermining statistics and the examples of others to influence our private decisions and ways of thinking. So you know what? Who cares about statistics? ...well a lot of people, actually... but in this case? NOT me! This is a decision no scientist or researcher can make for me 'judging by previous trends' and so forth. This is something that my husband and I will decide, with the Lord right there helping us. You can throw as many numbers at me as you want, but Heavenly Father knows everything, everyone, and every time. So thanks, statistics, for the influence on my way of thinking in this case, but no thanks. 

*Disclaimer: This is in no way an attempt to decrease the value of research.